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[14 Feb 10\8:57pm] |
So I will do myself the favor of skipping over the glee and gaiety that comes with a Quidditch match won. Gryffindor, as always, played a great game. Good sportsmanship, good conduct, the picture of mutual appreciation and satisfaction.
All of that aside.
Mel, what the hell were you thinking?
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[10 Feb 10\7:46pm] |
Finally, a moment to write. My hands are doing much better despite the slightly tender feeling I have centered in on my wrist, and the silvery shine of my rapidly healing cuts turned into scars thanks to Mme. Pomfrey.
The sore specifics aside, I am quite alright. Just a bit behind in the ways of the world.
private to self
Though I did not miss the brilliant wedding -- excuse me, engagement announcement.
To think I was naive enough to believe that things would be getting easier for us. Attention has been averted from our side of the world for so long that I was almost comfortable with the "in the shadows" aspect of our... well, the word "relationship" is wildly inaccurate so I will refrain. The aspect of our complicated situation. Now I am putting distance between us, I can feel myself moving back in an attempt to shelter my ache, but I cannot honestly keep from being drawn into him. My brain says push while the rest pulls.
As if this news didn't just add the tears to the sails of my already sinking ship. Since when did I become such a girl? I honestly cannot fight the need to cry anymore, and I hate that I am so wishy-washy with this sickly sad heart. I have to move myself out from underneath. I am stronger than this... aren't I?
end private
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[15 Dec 09\11:09pm] |
I have managed to do everything this school has asked of me... save for find a date to this masquerade.
private to self
I have been having nightmares, too. But mine began long before the rest of the school so I have ceased to wonder if there is a connection. Perhaps it is something in their water, perhaps it is something in my mind. I cannot shake the feeling that this Christmas will be worse than the last, and that dad will fall so low Mathias and I won't be able to pull him up and put him back together. As if Mat and I could come together for that long. No matter the reason.
Here I am again. Being self deprecating and blubbering over something I cannot change. Could I? I do not even want to think this mess of madness let alone read it.
end private
In my defense, I have avoided the public eye. Who wants to sit around in the Grand Hall and chat when there are grounds to wander and cold weather to endure? At least we can rejoice about that.
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